Sunday, October 9, 2016
Apopthelema Entry 5 Part 2 by Kyle Nonneman
[Note: this was composed in prison where proof-reading facilities are notoriously bad. Please don't hold that against the author. You can contact Kyle through the link listed at the end of this entry.]
POSTED Monday, Oct 9, 2016
(A EULOGY FOR RIO VANCE)
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"PENETRATION/SACRIFICE&MURDER. PLACE NO LIMIT ON ACTION. THEY ARE THE FULLEST REALIZATION OF THOUGHT&SENSATION SEVERED FROM CONSEQUENCES. DENYING ALL POSSIBILITY OF SURVIVAL. DECISIVE. YET TORN BY CONFLICT. THEY INDICATE A POINT AT WHICH DELIBERATE TRANSGRESSION GIVES WAY TO THE CONDITION OF ABSOLUTE FREEDOM"-HOLLINGS
Most people who read Full Force Frank's zines in the 1990s, did so because it was a trainwreck atrocity exhibition, they were insidiously waiting for Frank to act on the various actions he alluded to in his polemic rants. When nothing ever came of it and he disappeared, a lot of his fanbase was disappointed that he didn't follow through and lost respect for Frank. This is the 'Society of the Spectacle' and Frank never gave us the spectacle he promised..Talk minus action equals nothing..
But if Full Force Frank had followed through, his actions wouldn't have been solely motivated by a personal vendetta against the world, He would have also been giving fan service to his cult audience, which corrupts the beauty of the act. What I'm going to do has nothing to do with proving myself to anyone or providing fan service or proving a point to anyone. It will inevitably end in wreckage, unless in the next nine years her self destructive impulses don't beat me to it and she unfortunately finishes without me...
Rio Vance has for years done nothing but live homeless,in the gutter. Trading on the fantasies of lonely men to purchase the drugs that kill the pain of an outside world that she cant function in. In between the forced detoxes that result from whatever silly shit she got arrested for recently, she pretends to be clean & sober. She will prattle about turning her life around & doing something with it, becoming an artist. Working on her music.
She was assaulted recently because she asked for it. Being assaulted is something that validates her existence. She loves being a victim, being able to scapegoat responsibility for her actions and leech pity from people too blinded by her manipulation to see beneath the mask. Rio is exactly like the star of the film SMITHEREENS.The one with Richard Hell. I bought her a USB Audio interface so she could record her music. But she was always too high to record any music. Which is pretty pathetic considering even GG Allin managed to record his music...But GG Allin was more responsible.
Closest Rio ever came to being a musician was singing for crack money with an acoustic guitar. She has a lot of talent and intelligence but she chooses to be trash. A lot of drug addicts and prostitutes lack the ability to rise above their position in the gutter. They're too far gone to be saved. Its tragic when you see a great mind like hers destroy itself being a whore. This makes her all the more pathetic and worse than a common addict. Because she made a conscious decision to become trash and live this lifestyle of despair. She isn't the victim of determinism. All the abuse and degradation she suffered is either manufactured to get sympathy or simply the inevitable end result of the poor decisions she has always made in her life. Bottom line is She Knows Better. So she asked for it.
She continuously trys to contact me and to whip me again into submission but she never says she's sorry or apolgises for all the ways shes hurt and abandoned me over the years. She enjoys tormenting and abusing me its as simple as that. I enjoy being abused by women but in her case, there's never any reward given to the obedient slave no matter how obedient he is to his mistress. I hate how pathetic she made me. I hate how blinded I was to how depraved and heartless she has always been to me. I'm still pathetic. If she asked , I'd come crawling back. This 'Hypogirl' still has power over my heart.
I realize now-- at this point-- that she is a monster. So there is only one way I can move on from this.....Directing this violence inward at myself, just gives her more control. Channeling this by proxy into music is weak to me . why jerk off when you can just fuck something? I feel that the inevitable action Ii must take, is the only way to achieve closure and validate my existence, enabling me to die without regrets having accomplished something of great importance.
"YOU WERE WRONG TO RESIST ME/I WAS WRONG TO FORGIVE"-SWANS (Empathy)
(contact Kyle at: http://www.writeaprisoner.com/template.aspx?i=z-16534211 )
